


Not Going Back

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Adopted Children, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dyslexia, Families of Choice, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, On the Run, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Rowdy Dirk, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-06-30 19:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Martin led his Rowdies in a breakout from Blackwing, and they bring a couple of the other projects with them because Vogel wouldn't let them leave projects Lamia or Icarus behind. Now Martin needs to try and build a new life for all six of them. Because sometimes family is four energy vampires, a shapeshifter, and a not-psychic sat nav.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to themissingmask for inspiring me to write more wingfic with their stunning art, and to lourdesdeath for being the most patient beta imaginable. Inspired by the Rowdy!Verse of ToMarsAndBeyond3.

It was the end of a long day. Martin was exhausted and, staring around at the other inhabitants of the stolen van, he wasn't the only one. Svlad was curled up in the corner, his wings tucked around him, Vogel attempting to use one of them as a pillow. Cross and Gripps were dozing on each other's shoulders, and Mona was currently providing Martin with some much needed eyewear. 

He knew he would have to stop soon, to take the van off the road so that they could sleep. But he knew that stopping left them vulnerable. They'd put a lot of distance between themselves and that place, but it was likely they were being traced. He heard Svlad whimper in his sleep, and his stomach twisted, taking the next exit off the freeway and heading somewhere quiet. It didn't take long to find an abandoned junkyard.  
"Hey everyone," he muttered, and they stretched their arms, legs and, in Svlad's case wings, staring around. Svlad immediately ran off like a bloodhound that had caught a scent, returning after a few minutes.  
"Can someone break this car's window for me please?" the boy asked softly, glancing at them uncertainly and then trailing quietly back to the car, flinching at the noise of broken glass as Martin picked up an old chair leg and smashed it.

The boy reached inside, pulling a pair of glasses from the glove box, and picking out something bright. He handed the glasses to Martin before pulling a canary yellow jacket over his jumpsuit. It was already ripped, and somehow that meant it fell either side of his wings without getting caught on them.

Martin tried the glasses on, humouring Svlad more than anything, and was surprised as the world came into focus. Mona immediately turned into a friendship bracelet and made a dive for Svlad's wrist, making him laugh softly.  
"Hey there," he whispered, stroking a finger over the cotton.  
"You all better get some sleep," Martin muttered. "Kids in the van, Cross want you near the door to protect them, Gripps take the front seat in case we need to make a getaway."  
"What are you doing?" Svlad asked softly.  
"I'm going to keep first watch. I'll swap out with Gripps later, then he swaps out with Cross.  
"I can help you!" Svlad argued, and Martin stared down at him.  
"You're about eight."  
"I'm thirteen," Svlad muttered, but headed into the van. 

Martin waited until he was sure they were all asleep before allowing himself to doze, knowing he would smell any danger that approached.  
He was going to keep this little group safe, and not let Blackwing take any of them back. Not his boys, and not the psychic kid or the shapeshifter either. He would have said a day or two ago that he didn't care about them. But a day on the run, seeing how gently Svlad talked to Vogel, clearly overwhelmed by the younger boy's enthusiasm but wanting to help, had changed Martin's view.

He drifted, waking only when he felt a gentle prod to his shoulder, opening his eyes and immediately tensing as Priest stared down at him. But the scent was off. He took a deep breath, making himself focus, and realised that this wasn't Priest. The scent was wrong, and he didn't feel any threat from him. He reached for his glasses, putting them on and frowning slightly because the figure in front of him was definitely Priest. As he continued to stare, Priest shifted from foot to foot, his hands fiddling with the fabric of his pants and gaze at the floor. Far too late, something clicked in Martin's mind, as sleep disorientation gave way to common sense.  
"You need to be resting Mona," he said, managing to hold his voice steady. He wanted to yell, to make her understand how cruel she was being, but he made himself stay silent.

The little girl wearing Priest's body yawned, one hand reaching up to rub at her eyes, and she continued to wriggle slightly where she stood.  
"What is it?" he asked. He was far too tired and too stressed to be dealing with this, doesn't want the reminder of his torturer. But he took the shapeshifter with him when he left, and that meant she was his concern now, that he had to listen and help her, even when she was making him feel sick, bringing up memories he didn’t want. He was grateful none of the others could see them from where they were - he didn't want Vogel to see that man again. The boy already had enough nightmares.

"What you said earlier..." Mona whispered, her voice imitating Priest's, but less certain, more afraid.  
"Do you think you could be you?" Martin asked gently, still feeling uncomfortable with the man before him, even if all his movements were wrong. There was a moment's pause before she nodded and swapped back to her standard appearance, a little girl standing before him swaying in her nightdress, seeming to be enjoying the way that the fabric moved. He took a few deep breaths, before smiling at her.  
"What was all that about?"  
"When you came and found us," she said, her voice in that sing-song tone she used when she tried to speak, as though she wasn't quite sure how she was meant to sound. "You got us to the car and you said ..." she fell quiet and shook her head, clearly unable to say it.

Martin groaned slightly in frustration. The last day had been a lot to handle, working on getting as far away from Blackwing as possible, unsure if they were being chased. He'd said a lot, cursed the prison that had held him and his boys for so long, tried to sing songs to distract Vogel, promised Svlad that they'd get him a book first chance they got.

He frowned, pinching his nose behind the bridge of his glasses, trying to remember.

_Martin had Svlad over one of his shoulders, the boy's damaged wing stuck up straight in the air as the larger one trailed its feathers almost to the floor. Vogel was clung to Gripps like an overly loud backpack, and Cross was smashing doors. He could hardly believe it. They were almost out of there._  
"You still got her?" he'd asked Svlad, who was clinging to the teddy bear that Mona had been at that point.  
"Yes," Svlad answered, his voice polite, clipped, respectful. He was trying to stay calm as the world fell apart around him, and Martin wasn't sure if he should be amused or annoyed at that. 

_Alarms were still blaring, and Blackwing staff were still trying to contain them, but Martin had been focused entirely on where they needed to go. Cross hotwired the van, and they piled in, Svlad yelping as he was half-thrown into the back and slammed the edge of his broken wing against the wall. Martin gunned the engine, and started to drive, expecting at any moment to hear the noise of the tires being shot out._

_That noise didn't come. The universe had wanted them to get away._

_They breached the compound. Martin was whooping in sheer joy, and the noise was echoed by the rest of project Incubus, as Svlad tried to twist so that he could see out of the window, gaze up at a sky he had been kept from for years. Martin reached out, ruffling his hair._  
"You're free, boy."  
That set off another round of cheering, and Martin continued to hurry along the road, thinking it over to himself. They had got this far. He laughed.  
"Damn," he muttered, grinning at Cross and Gripps. "Didn't even get the chance to punch the bastard in the face." That was true. He'd looked for Priest, as they'd destroyed all they could, but they hadn't found him. He'd laughed with them then. 

Now a heavy weight settled in his stomach, as he looked up at Mona.  
"You think I'm gonna hit you, girl?"

She shrugged, fiddling with the hem of her dress before answering, and Martin noticed her feet were bare.  
"You said you wanted to."  
"Wanna hurt him, kid. Not you." He reached out, opening up his arms so she could lean against him, his fingers carding through her dark hair. He had no idea what he was doing here. His stomach was twisting and he wanted to lash out, but right now she needed calm. It went against his nature, but he tried to give it. He would have to talk to her about what happened, but he could do that in the morning. For now, he just wrapped his arms around her, and allowed himself to return to sleep.

***

He woke up to find a small teddy bear tucked into his arms, and carefully placed her on the ground before stretching, already trying to decide what to do for today. Svlad would be useful, he'd already proved that. He wanted to talk to Mona about the events of the previous night, but he was sure he didn't want to hear her answers, and he was enough of a coward to let it pass by until after she and Svlad had eaten.

He'd had to be brave for long enough already. He picked the teddy back up, walking around the van and checking everyone was where they should be. He poked Gripps awake, and the other man went off to check the local area for any signs of danger - Gripps had always been best at noticing anything out of place. He stared at Mona.  
"I dunno if you're hungry kid, but we're getting food for those two soon, so I guess you have some?"

He pulled open the back door of the van. Cross was sprawled there, baseball bat in hand, and further back Svlad and Vogel were curled up together, Svlad's whole wing wrapped around them both. He felt a sudden flood of relief that Svlad hadn't seen Priest last night, hadn't been faced with the man that mutilated him so soon after he had escaped.  
"Svlad, Vogel, up you get!" He whistled, and Vogel bounced awake, jumping from the van and leaping over Cross, who made a half-hearted attempt to grab his ankles.  
"There's some water over by there for washing in, we got a bit left for drinking. We're going to get some food for you in a bit."  
"Candy?" Vogel yelled back, and Svlad turned awkwardly, glancing back at him as his wings vanished with a faint pop, tucked back away in their pocket dimension, leaving behind the jumpsuit, hanging open from the slits in the back where he'd had his wings out. Svlad wriggled slightly, making his way over to Cross for assistance.  
"Could you please do the zips up?" he requested, his voice quiet, nervous. Cross quickly did up the two zips so that the boy was no longer dealing with his back being exposed to the cold morning air.

"We need to get you proper food. Svlad and Mona need food." He paused, glancing down to see that the teddy bear was still hanging from his hand. He threw her towards Svlad, who caught her easily, tucking her against his chest as he went to clean up.

Getting clothes for Svlad was going to be a problem, what with his rather weird biology. But they'd work out something. Martin wanted them to all get fresh clothes today. He wanted nothing more than to stop having to see his boys in the clinical white that they'd been forced to use for so long.

Seeming to realise what he was thinking, Vogel threw himself down onto the ground, where water had splashed from the trough and churned the dust into mud. He grinned, grabbing a handful of the mud and advancing towards Svlad, who let out a scream and hightailed it back to the van, curling up under one of the seats. 

Martin snorted with laughter, leaning back against the van and watching as Cross launched himself at Vogel. Soon Gripps was back from surveying, and after a quick smile to let Martin know everything was safe he joined the mud fight.

The three of them were soon coated, and Martin knew that he should be calling them in, getting food, but it was good to see them laughing, playing in the sunlight after so long in hell. 

Svlad still hadn't emerged from his hiding hole, so Martin ducked into the van, sitting on the bench near him.  
"Hey boy, you know he wasn’t gonna hurt you, right?"  
"I know he wouldn't," Svlad answered, sounding irritated. "I just know that I will be in trouble if my uniform is a mess and I'd really rather avoid it."  
"Kid, you broke out."  
"I know." Svlad's voice was raising in pitch now, bordering on hysteria. "And I can assure you, I will already be facing enough trouble about that without turning up looking like I lost a fight with a swamp monster, and really you shouldn't be encouraging their behaviour-"

Martin reached out, grabbing Svlad's arm and dragging him out from the seat, finding he was still cuddling the bear that Mona was currently being.  
"Listen kid, you aren't going back. You don't want to be muddy because you're fussy or whatever, any of that shit, that's okay. And you don't like it, I'll talk to the boys, tell them to calm down. But you aren't going back there, so you don't have to follow their fucking rules no more, you understand?"

The boy nodded, but his eyes sparkled with confusion. Martin embraced him momentarily, staring at the boy and his bear, and wondering why they were so much more work than Vogel was.  
"You two are gonna give me a tonne of headaches," he muttered, then turned to the group playing outside. "Move yourselves, we got food and clothes to get."

After a rushed attempt at cleaning, the rest of the Rowdies were in the van. Svlad was clearly uncomfortable with them being near him when damp and muddy, so Martin sighed.  
"Kid, Svlad, you hop in the front. Let me know if you want to stop, okay?" He was careful not to make it sound like a test, but if the kid was psychic it probably helped to have him calling directions. 

Svlad nodded, even remembering his seat belt before he curled up, staring out the window, angling the Monabear so that she could see as well. Martin glanced in the mirror at the others before driving off, wondering if this whole thing was a terrible mistake.

***

"I think we should stop soon," Svlad murmured quietly, as they carried on down the freeway. "I mean, there's a truck stop in a few miles, that sign said, but I want to stop in a minute."  
Martin stared at him, before deciding that honestly following the advice of the psychic was the best plan they had, and stopped when Svlad told him to.

Svlad paused, climbing out of his seat and then carefully strapping Mona bear down with the seatbelt.  
"Stay there," Svlad whispered.  
"You need anyone with you?"  
"I'm quite alright thank you!" Svlad answered, walking up to the hedges on the side of the road, and then jumping through them. There was a faint yelp as he was confronted by thorns. Martin rolled his eyes and clambered out, picking the boy out from the plants by the scruff of his jumpsuit.

Svlad was clutching a battered green holdall to his chest.  
"What you got there kid?"  
Svlad shrugged, and held it out, so Martin placed it down on the floor and glanced inside, eyes widening at what he saw. There were a couple of small guns and some bullets - Martin didn't like firearms, but he wasn't planning on passing up a weapon if the universe was offering it. Underneath that there were some old newspapers, and moving those to the side - there was a lot of cash. Mostly five and ten dollar notes, but there had to be at least a thousand dollars in there. He stared at Svlad.  
"Fuck that was good kid," he praised him, then grinned, carrying the bag back to the van. "We're getting food at the truck stop."  
"Candy?" Vogel asked, jumping forwards so that he could stick his head between the seats, a huge smile on his face.  
"Yeah, sure, but I'm getting you a toothbrush, don't want all your teeth falling out."  
"Candy candy candy!" Vogel squealed, the van rocking slightly as it drove on, Mona now back on Svlad's lap.

"You seem quiet boy," Martin said after a minute, with Vogel's squeaking still echoing from the back of the van. Svlad shrugged.  
"I left him."  
"That old guy?" Martin asked as he turned off towards the truck stop, and Svlad's nod was stiff.  
"He was my best friend. He listened to me when no one else would, and he was never angry at me, and I… I left him."  
"Svlad, we couldn't take someone in a coma. His room and equipment weren't smashed. Best place for him is somewhere they can take care of him-"  
"So if one of Incubus were hurt, you'd leave them?" Svlad spat, and Martin could see tears in his eyes. Martin parked the car, and handed Gripps twenty dollars. "Me and these two'll be in in a minute."

"I'm sorry we couldn't save him this time Svlad, but he'd be glad you were out."  
"If I get recaptured, I'll have more stories for him," Svlad mumbled, but now he was crying, and Martin had no idea how to handle a kid that was crying. Vogel was different - if Vogel cried you threw him up in the air and tickled him and made him laugh. But Svlad's hurting was different than that. 

Martin rubbed his shoulder.  
"Come on, let's go get some food, make sure we get some stuff for the van too."  
"You.... you don't eat, do you?"  
"We eat, but not what you do." Martin answered. "Not much, anyway. Sometimes its nice, and the kid likes candy."  
"I noticed." Svlad managed a watery smile at that, so Martin jumped down from the van. Svlad followed a moment later, and Martin locked the car.

"Hope no one takes it," he muttered, half-joking. Svlad shook his head.  
"They can't. It's ours now. No one can take that. It's like..." Svlad glanced down at the bear that had just turned into a wristwatch. He fastened her on as he continued. "It's like Mister Priest. When he killed my family, it was in public. No one saw."

Martin pressed his lips together, feeling guilt burn within him. The kid didn't know. He couldn't let the boy know - Vogel didn't know either. Cross and Gripps knew. Because Cross and Gripps were his family now, them and Vogel, and now Svlad and Mona too.  
"Kid, look, I know Mona's your sister-" he felt Svlad freeze, his eyes widening as he tried to hide his arm behind his back, protect her if he could. The colour had drained from Svlad's face, and Martin raised his hands.  
"Easy kid, easy. I ain't gonna take her from you, none of us are. I just have to talk to her later, okay? And it's private."

Svlad nodded slowly, as the two of them reached the gas station buildings. There were all kinds of fast food places. Vogel rushed over, his face smeared with jelly, a half-eaten donut in his hand.  
"Where do you wanna eat?"

Svlad had already wandered away, and for a second Martin's gut twisted in terror before he saw the boy looking at some books. He snorted but walked over, handing the boy a five dollar note.  
"Get yourself something. Then you have to eat."  
"Thank you," Svlad said softly, picking up a book and hurrying over to the cashier.  
Svlad returned to Martin's side, his book clutched in his arms so tightly that Martin could barely see what was on the cover - it appeared to be some book about myths and legends. He thought about what Blackwing had called them all, and decided he didn't want to think about that.  
"Svlad, you think your sister wants to eat?"  
Svlad ducked down out of sight of passing shoppers, and returned with Mona holding his hand. She was wearing a pale blue dress, and shoes, and was clutching his hand tightly.  
"Thank you Martin," Mona said softly, and Svlad nodded. 

Martin got the two of them burgers and fries, watching as they ate as he sipped a soda. Vogel came to join them, and Martin found himself wondering how exactly the boy had got jelly in his hair. Not even the front of his hair. There was a patch of jelly on the back of the kid's head. Martin grabbed him and a napkin, and tried to clean him up a bit. Mona giggled to herself, bouncing in her seat, and even Svlad smiled.

Cross and Gripps returned with a few bags of groceries, enough to see the kids through the next few days, and then they all returned to the van. Martin paused in the entry to the shop.  
"Look, I want to talk to Mona. You four go on,"  
Svlad glanced at his sister, and the two of them embraced tightly, as though afraid they'd never see each other again. Then Svlad walked away. Martin saw he never once glanced back towards her, and he felt a little sick. He crouched down, staring at Mona who seemed to have shrunk.  
"You okay there girl?"  
She nodded, reaching for his hand, and he took it, walking with her to a bench that was currently empty. She jumped up onto the seat, swinging her feet a little and looking at him expectantly.  
"We gotta talk about this morning."  
"I'm sorry I was bad," she mumbled, and Martin wanted to scream, wanted to march into Blackwing and punch every person there in the face, but he smiled and leaned in to hug her.  
"You weren't bad sweetheart. You're wonderful."  
"But I scared you?" Her words came out as a whisper, still in that strange singsong voice she had. "Scaring people is bad."  
"I just... you thought I wanted to hit you?"

"Not me silly," she giggled. "You wanted to hit him. And I can look like him, I can let you hit him if you want to..."  
"Has... has that happened a lot?" Martin asked, dreading the answer. She nodded, fidgeting on the bench.  
"Sometimes people are angry with people. And they can't punch them. But they can punch me, and I can't fight back because it's against the rules. I don't like it." She sighed, crossing her arms and pouting up at him. "I like being a thing. People don't really want to hurt things. But I like you and I thought if hitting people makes someone feel better... I want you to feel better."

Martin took a couple of calming breaths. He wanted to tear Blackwing apart, to _hurt_ them. But Blackwing wasn’t here right now. What was here was a frightened little girl who was trying to make sense of the world around her. Who had taken on the face of his brother to try and help him. He smiled, even though it felt unnatural on his face, and pulled her into a hug.  
"Hurting you won't ever make me feel better, girl. What makes me feel better is helping you, keeping you safe. No one is allowed to hit you. Hell, no one is allowed to touch you if you don't want them to, okay?"  
Mona nodded slowly, and he squeezed her gently.  
"If you're worried I'm sad and you want to help, you can give me a hug, okay? But as you. You're my friend Mona. You're who I want to see. Do you understand?"  
She tilted her head, clearly considering, and then nodded once, decisive.

"You want to be a thing, you can be, okay? We won't tell you what to be as long as you can fit in the van and you're happy."  
Mona smiled, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek, before turning into a small and ridiculously fluffy grey kitten. Martin glanced around to check he hadn't been seen, before picking her up and carrying her back. Svlad looked relieved to see them, holding his hands out.  
"We still need to get clothes," Gripps reminded him.

"Next town. Cross, you okay to stay with the kids if Gripps and I go shopping?"  
Cross whooped and Vogel echoed it, and Svlad groaned, covering his face with his book. Martin laughed slightly. This wasn't like his life before Blackwing. But he could see how it could become a type of home. They all needed that. 

He carried on driving.


	2. Chapter 2

"What are you doing?" Vogel asked, leaning forwards to try and see what Svlad was giving his attention to. Svlad turned the page of his book, sighing dramatically, as Gripps sat in the front muttering calculations to himself about what they'd need to buy.  
"Does Mona need anything?"  
The kitten in Svlad's lap shook her head, and Svlad passed the message on.  
"She can create her own clothes, she's made some beautiful dresses before." He ran his fingers over her fur. Martin shrugged slightly, glad that was one less person to worry about. Because said person was a shapeshifter. He wasn't quite sure how his life had got this surreal - he was pretty sure it hadn't been before Blackwing. He'd been hungry, but back then he'd been the weirdest shit he'd had to handle. Now he didn't even come close.

"Reading," Svlad snapped slightly, twisting to try and keep his book out of reach of Vogel, who pouted and then continued to try and ask. He eventually snatched the book from Svlad, and Martin parked the van in case a fight broke out, or Mona tried to help by turning into a shark, or something equally ridiculous.

"Where are the pictures?" Vogel twisted around, holding the book upside-down and sideways as he continued to flick through it. "You said there were stories."  
"There are words." Svlad was getting more annoyed now, trying to grab his book. "Give that back to me."  
"But there aren't stories here," Vogel protested.  
"What, can't you read?" Svlad asked, but even halfway through his sentence Martin could hear him regret it, as he slowly put the information he had together. 

"We haven't been able to teach him yet," Martin growled, his voice low with anger and pain. "Unlike you, we didn't seem to be favourites, so we didn't get shit like books for the kid."  
"I..." Svlad paused, and took a deep breath. "I hadn't realised. Here. Vogel, come and sit with me, and I can read you the stories."

Vogel sat down, listening for almost five minutes before he got bored and wriggly again. Martin knew that was the closest to a victory he was likely to get. Gripps eventually pulled Vogel through to sit on his lap, letting him look out the window. Then they reached town.  
"You guys stay there, we'll be back soon, Cross, make sure Svlad and Mona eat something." 

Martin wasn't quite sure how often normal humans needed food, but it was probably more than they had been getting at Blackwing. He locked the van carefully, thinking of what Svlad had said. It was true - the eyes of passers by seemed to almost slide over the van. That put him at ease at least, and he went to go and get new clothes. He and Gripps were wearing matching jumpsuits, but they were grubby, and he could only assume people thought they were working on some kind of maintenance job. The kids would be harder to explain. 

Gripps got busy searching through a thrift store to get outfits for everyone, and Martin found himself drawn to a dark grey jacket. He put it on, glancing at himself in a mirror, and smiling a little at how he looked. When they got these clothes, they wouldn't look like they were from Blackwing. It might help them stay undetected for a little longer.

They returned to the van, laden down with bags of shopping, and he opened the door to find that Cross and Vogel were playing with a large pack of bubble wrap, and Svlad was sitting in the corner ignoring them. Martin frowned, then registered that whilst there was bubble wrap, there was no kitten.  
"That don't hurt her none, does it?"  
"No," Svlad murmured. "She said you told her she didn't have to be hurt anymore. Thank you." His voice was shaking, but he spoke with certainty.

Martin nodded.   
"Come on. New clothes. Not Blackwing." Gripps handed everyone their bag, and then they were all pulling on outfits, laughing and talking and looking happy.   
"We can burn the old jumpsuits," he promised, and then Svlad raised his hand, his fingers visibly trembling.  
"I don't want to burn mine. I might... I might need it."

"You won't be going back," Martin said firmly. "But it fits your wings, so maybe you better keep it for now."  
"Thank you," Svlad answered, digging through the bag for the most brightly coloured clothes he could find. He let out a victorious squawk as he found a vivid orange leather jacket, which clashed horribly with the red shirt he had chosen. Martin smiled to himself. He didn't think he'd seen the boy look that happy in all the time he'd known him.

 

Vogel was delighted when he found a t-shirt with a dinosaur print on, pulling it over his head instantly and showing Svlad.  
"Vogel, you need to take your jumpsuit off before you put new clothes on," Svlad told him, but he had calmed a little, and he sounded teasing rather than angry. Martin kept travelling, leaving town again.

"Where we going?" Cross asked, leaning forwards to talk through the gap in the chairs. Martin shrugged a little.  
"No idea. Just away from them." He sighed, inhaling on a cigarette and blowing the smoke out of the window, relishing the taste of it. It had been too long. "I think we keep moving to be honest. If we settle down somewhere, we'll draw attention. And Vogel don't like sitting still."

Svlad shifted awkwardly in the back seat.  
"We won't have a home?"  
"Course we will, kid," Martin reassured him, and he saw Gripps move in the mirror to give the boy a gentle embrace which seemed to soothe him. "We'll have a home. We got the van, and we got each other."

Svlad nodded quickly, not arguing with the logic there. He just sat quietly, cuddling the teddy bear that had appeared on his lap - perhaps Mona was feeling just as unsure as he was, and that was a thought that worried Martin.  
"Don't worry, we'll get some stuff, make it nice, and we can go camping. You like camping kid?"  
"I... I went once," he said softly, and the rest of what was said was too quiet for Martin to hear. Anyway, it didn't sound like he had spoken in English.

Dinner that night was at a truck stop - Mona was being a bright blue jacket for Svlad, but the boy ate his chips and burger, splashing his strawberry milkshake onto the sleeve so that she could taste it. Martin wasn't entirely sure that Mona's powers worked that way, but he didn't know for certain they didn't. Cross had bought some beer, and Gripps had gone off to buy a few things 'for a surprise'. 

Vogel tried to shove his entire ice cream into his mouth at once. He realised his mistake after a few seconds, and started to cry out in shock and pain, flailing his limbs in terror. Martin grabbed him, holding the wriggling boy close and pressing a kiss to his forehead, hugging him until he calmed.  
"I… did I do bad?" Vogel whispered to him, his eyes shining with unshed tears.  
"You weren't bad kid," Martin promised. "Not now, and not then neither. You just ate that too fast so it hurt your brain."  
"Stupid traitor icecream," Vogel muttered, and Martin laughed, getting him a milkshake. He soon seemed to forget about the pain, but Martin couldn't get the boy's fearful words out of his head. He suspected it would come back and haunt him soon.

They clambered back in the van after the meal, and Martin drove, heading away from the towns. He found a piece of scrubland that looked deserted, and parked up for the night, letting the radio play. Gripps got out, and set to work with whatever his surprise was - and within a few minutes a fire was burning. Svlad went and sat close to it, warming himself on the flames, and gazing up in sheer admiration. Cross grabbed Vogel's hands, spinning him around, and Vogel squealed in delight before the two of them started dancing, jumping and whirling like demons around the flames.

They looked so happy, the firelight reflecting off their clothes.  
"Hey, boys?" Martin whistled, then held up the hated white and red jumpsuits that they had been made to wear. "Want to add these to the bonfire?" 

Vogel raced forwards, grabbing the smallest, and then swinging it around his head with a delighted yell, racing towards the flames. He dipped the end into the fire until it caught, and then ran around dragging the blazing cloth behind him until the fire grew too large and he shoved it onto the flames.

Martin laughed, but Gripps frowned.   
"Careful of the fire, little bird," he reminded him. Vogel giggled and watched as the flames ate up the hated cloth.  
Martin just chucked his into the flames, and a moment later the other two did the same. Only Svlad's jumpsuit remained, but they were keeping that for now. He'd destroy it at his own pace, when he was ready to close that chapter. Martin knew that for Svlad, this was complicated. It hadn't always been hell for him, and that meant it was harder to give up.

Svlad yawned and headed towards the van, curling up in the back, and Cross grabbed a beer, handing one to Martin and one to Gripps.  
"Little bird, Vogel, bedtime," Martin reminded him.  
"I'm not tired," Vogel muttered, continuing to dance, before he yawned widely. Martin held out his arms, and as Vogel came in for a hug he swept him up, carrying him to the van and placing him inside.  
"You lay there with your eyes shut for eight minutes, and if you're not asleep by then, you can come back out, okay?"  
Vogel nodded sleepily, and Martin patted his hair fondly before returning to Gripps and Cross.

 

"You boys good?" he asked as he settled down between them, smiling slightly as Gripps moved to rest his head on Martin's chest. "Sorry, I been putting all my effort into the kids." It was true. In the two days since they escaped Martin hadn't even stopped for a moment to consider his own wellbeing, or that of the older two members of project Incubus. All that had mattered was the children.

"It's okay Marty," Cross mumbled, leaning in. "We got responsibilities. Might not have planned for them, but we got them now."  
"You guys didn't sign up for this."  
"Yeah but you didn't neither Marty," Cross pointed out.   
"Anyway we always knew we were gonna take the little bird with us. He's one of us. Couldn't leave him behind," Gripps said, and like most times he spoke, he sounded like he was stating the most obvious thing in the world.  
"Couldn't leave any of them," Martin admitted. "You guys know I have no fucking clue what I'm doing right?"  
"Kids are still alive," Cross shrugged. "Even been eating and shit. You could do worse."  
Martin considered for a moment and then shrugged, because he supposed that was right. All three kids being alive certainly shouldn't have been an achievement, but in a way it felt like it was.  
"What are we doing?" Martin asked.  
"Dunno."  
"Sitting watching a fire," Gripps supplied with a smile. "Kids are sleeping. We're doing okay."  
Martin nodded, reaching out and squeezing Gripps' hand, then Cross's. They smiled at him, and he felt himself relax. It had been years since he had been able to see the stars, to lay back and watch the night sky, to know that his brother was far away and that his family was here. He could handle this.

Gripps handed him a beer and he took a gulp of it, feeling at peace. It was a strange feeling, almost unnatural after everything that had happened. But it was still real, still theirs. They had learned in Blackwing to steal whatever moments they could, to hold onto each other and make things as okay as they could be. This was a moment like that, one to remember, to tuck into his heart and to use when things got bad. Martin knew they would get bad again, he just hoped not yet.

Those hopes were dashed when he heard a scream from the van. It was Vogel who was shouting, and he could recognise that instantly. He was on his feet in a split second, racing to the vehicle, pulling it over.  
"NEIN!" the boy was screaming, and a blanket was over him, trying to trap him on the floor as he tried to flail out, kicking and biting towards Svlad who had positioned himself out of reach. Svlad's eyes were wide with fear, and he gasped in relief when he saw that Martin was there.  
"Nightmare -" Svlad explained, indicating the boy.

Martin reached out, grabbing the boy, and the blanket immediately disappeared, replaced by a teddy bear. He pulled Vogel against his chest, dodging the flailing fists. He let Vogel kick him. The boy wouldn't be able to leave hard bruises, and trying to hold him down would just make things worse.   
"Come on," he murmured, carrying him outside to sit by the fire, still on his lap. Gripps moved to sit beside him, and Cross did the same after fetching an actual blanket. Svlad stayed in the van, watching through the doors, the teddy sitting on his lap.

Martin continued holding tightly to Vogel, letting him scream and struggle as much as he needed, knowing that this was how he got sometimes when he was afraid. It was better this time than before, because he could tell the boy they were free, could show him the stars and promise that the nightmares were gone.

Eventually Vogel's struggles dropped down to whimpers, the boy tiring himself out.  
"Martin?" he whispered, and Martin relaxed a little, pressing a kiss into the boy's hair.  
"I'm here," he promised. "Looks like that was a pretty scary one kid. You okay?"  
"I'm okay." Vogel's answer sounded a little shaky. "Just thought you'd been taken man, don't want you taken..."  
"Not going anywhere. None of us are," Martin promised. He couldn't know that. But the boy was afraid, and lying wouldn't hurt him. The truth would.

Vogel had been hurt enough in his short life. Martin wouldn't add to it.  
"'Kay."  
"And you have your dinosaur shirt," Cross pointed out. "Ain't nothing bad can happen to you if you're wearing your crazy dinosaur shirt!"

 

Martin could already see about a million ways that particular idea getting lodged in Vogel's head might backfire, but at the same time it looked like a way to make him feel safe, so he shrugged and went along with it.  
"Yeah," Vogel agreed. "Because dinosaurs are like, really cool and scary and amazing!"  
Martin smiled a little to himself, wondering if Cross registered how much of an influence he'd had on the boy. He could see a lot of him in how Vogel talked, and it was giving him confidence he had never had before.

"Like you little bird," Martin murmured, and then Gripps nodded.  
"Birds are dinosaurs."  
"Birds aren't dinosaurs!" Vogel argued. "Birds are birds."  
Svlad stepped out of the van, walking over cautiously. Vogel tensed a little, eyeing the bear nervously, but let him approach.  
"Dinosaurs turned into birds over time. They got better. So you are better than a dinosaur." Martin could see Svlad was struggling with the words, not sure how to make a convincing argument. But he was trying, and that was good. Vogel seemed satisfied.

"Your bear trapped me," Vogel protested, looking up at Svlad as though expecting him to deny it.   
"She did, and she's sorry. You just started behaving very strangely, we weren't sure if you were having a fit, and we were worried you'd hurt yourself," Svlad tried to explain, and Martin could see his reasoning, but it hadn't helped.  
"Just thought I was back in the Bad Place," Vogel muttered. "And I wouldn't see the guys no more and He was there and I didn't..." He curled up, and Svlad held out the bear as a peace offering. Vogel snatched her from his grasp, cuddling her against him.

"Not going back there no more," Cross promised, wrapping his arms around Vogel. "Come on, 's getting late. You wanna sleep near me so you can keep me safe?"  
"Sure," Vogel nodded, wiping at his face with his sleeve. Cross picked Vogel up, swinging him up onto his shoulders and running with him, around the remains of the fire, before jumping into the van. Vogel was laughing. Gripps followed at a slightly more sedate speed.

Svlad glanced up at Martin, clearly still tired himself.   
"Sorry, I didn't-"  
"You handled it fine kid," Martin promised. He couldn't let the boy feel like he'd failed. He didn't know much about what happened to Svlad in Blackwing - didn't want to. But he knew he hadn't done as well on the tests as some of them would have liked. He was sure Ozzy was probably delighted with the boy's test results. He was always looking for reasons to hurt people that were different. Always looking for different ways to hurt people too. Martin thought of the jumpsuit that they had kept, with its twin zippers, and took a deep breath.  
"You are doing great. Now, I was wondering, it hurt you at all to tuck your wings away?"  
"A bit. But they're kind of obvious when they're out."  
"You can put them out at night?" Martin suggested. "And in the van? Might help build the muscle strength."  
"I can't fly any more," Svlad answered. "They got angry and cut part of one off."

Martin nodded, pressing down any emotions. He had to hide his anger and hurt from the kid.  
"Thought that might be the case. Might be good to do anyway, especially if it hurts to keep them in."  
"Thanks," Svlad mumbled, and Martin pointed to the van.  
"Come on, we need to get some rest."  
"What if Vogel has another nightmare?"  
"If Vogel has another nightmare, we'll handle it. Same if you do, or Mona, or Cross, or Gripps. We've gotta look out for each other. Keep each other safe."

Svlad nodded, then reached out for Martin's hand.  
"If you have a nightmare, we can always keep you safe too."  
Martin nodded, walking with the boy back to the van.

Vogel was asleep, tucked up between Cross and Gripps, the bear that was Mona held in his arms. Dirk smiled a little.   
"If we can buy some books, like, for his age, and some pens or paper, I can teach him?" He sounded hopeful, and Martin nodded.  
"I dunno if Vogel's ever gonna be that great at reading. But it'd be good for him to learn some."  
"I can do that," Svlad answered, and he looked excited to have a role to play. Martin fetched a blanket, wrapping it over the boy's shoulders, before going to patrol. Once he was sure they were alone, he returned to the van, and allowed himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to do more in this universe, but am currently low on ideas - if you have any suggestions please let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thank you to Lourdesdeath, howdareyoucallmenymphadora and Scooby_snack for suggestions which are covered in this chapter)

A stop the next day meant that they had been able to pick up some felt pens, some crayons, and some paper, along with some little kids books. Martin was keeping a careful eye on their bag of money - they had a lot, but he didn't know how long it would need to last. Svlad seemed sure more would appear if they needed it, but Martin couldn't be that confident. He didn't know where he was going, just that he had to drive. 

Svlad was sat in the back with Vogel, the book open on his lap, trying to talk him through reading, while Vogel doodled on some paper. Svlad had a dinosaur covered blanket on his lap, and beside him a bundle of fabric that Martin suspected was his jumpsuit. When he wasn't turning pages, he would rest his hand on the fabric, brushing his fingers against it like a child's comforter. Martin wished they had burned it, along with the rest of the jumpsuits, but it didn't work like that. Because for Svlad, that was still a reassurance, and he wasn't ready to cut that tie yet.

Svlad had at least put his wings out, and Martin had been able to get a good look at the mutilation, how half of one wing had been hacked away, ending abruptly in a mess of scars. Martin wanted to punch his brother for that, but he knew that it wasn't just his brother that had done it. It was that entire fucked up system, that had stolen years from him, Cross and Gripps, and taken the childhoods of the younger three.

"Vogel?" Svlad asked softly, trying to encourage the boy to focus. It didn't seem to be working. "Come on, just once more, then we can stop for a bit."  
"Learning is booooring," Vogel muttered, but he turned the page and carefully drew out the letters, forming a large V, and then a circle, and then what looked to be an eight, another slightly messy circle, and a line.

"Perfect!" Svlad encouraged. "See, that's you. That's Vogel!" He pointed. "And here is my name," he pointed to where he had written it in his own elegant writing. "And there is Mona's, and here is Cross's, and Gripps', and Martin's."  
"Okay..."  
"So, when we make camp later, we can find sticks and write our names in the dirt."

"YAY!" Vogel squealed, clearly excited at the opportunity to get muddy. Svlad smiled shyly at the mirror.  
"Nap time first."  
"I'm not tired," Vogel whined.   
"Well I am. Why don't you go and help Cross with what he's up to?" Svlad suggested, wrapping his sister-blanket around his shoulders and closing his eyes.

Vogel scurried across the back of the car, leaning up to take a look at Cross's sketches.  
"Can we draw?" Vogel asked, and Cross nodded, leaning to grab the paper and felt pens. Cross had been doing well the last few days, managing to keep positive, but Martin worried about him, about all of them. 

They'd destroyed a lot of the base when they had left. He just wasn't sure that it would be enough to stop Blackwing coming looking, and when that happened, he was worried about what would come next. The thought of going back there was terrible, and he could feel his head aching, sickness bubbling inside of his body. The world around him was spinning a little, and he suddenly realised that he was hungry. 

Since breaking out, he hadn't eaten properly, and he hadn't eaten for a few weeks before. He'd had one of the kids' candy bars, and drunk some beer, but he was suddenly very aware that wasn't enough. He pulled over to the side of the road.   
"Cross, you have to drive for a bit."  
"Sure thing boss," Cross answered, while Svlad untangled himself from the blanket and looked at Martin.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Oh, just a little tired," Martin lied with an easy smile, not wanting to worry the boy. Svlad gave him a knowing look, pressing his lips together. "Anyway, just take us off road somewhere, little bird needs a chance to stretch his wings."

"Why am I the bird if Svlad's got wings?" Vogel asked, and then the blanket that had been covering Svlad disappeared, turning into a pair of bright pink fairy wings with elastic. Vogel squealed and launched himself at them, and Svlad helped him with the elastic. Martin pretended he couldn't see how Svlad had been curled up around his own uniform, not feeling well enough to handle that right now.

He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid it forever - Svlad was in his care, just as much as Vogel was. If the boy was hurting, he had to do something. But he didn't know what, and everything was aching, and it had been a long few days. He told himself he could ignore that for just a little longer, allow himself a few more hours before he had to address it. 

He wondered if they could use the fabric for a blanket or a teddy. It would still be awful, having it there, but it might be easier if it didn't look like a uniform, and Gripps was talented at fixing clothing. But right now he was pretty sure suggesting that to Svlad would lead to a panic attack.

Vogel was pretending to be a butterfly, which appeared to consist of bouncing around the back of the van, doing everything in his power to distract Cross. Cross managed to block him out, parking up somewhere quiet so that Vogel could climb out. They all did, Vogel going to try and climb a tree, still with Mona on his back as wings. Cross went to help him, and Gripps started on the fire which would keep them warm.

The world felt like it was spinning slightly, so Martin stayed where he was. No one would notice if he just took a few moments to breathe.  
"Martin?" Svlad asked, and there was fear there in his voice. Real terror there, and Martin wondered whether Svlad hated him for the times he had fed on him.

"Yes?"  
"You don't look well," Svlad said softly. "Mister-" There was a pause, and Martin shook his head.  
"You don't have to call him that no more kid."  
"Yeah... I mean.. um, Priest said that you weren't allowed food for a few weeks."

"That's true," Martin answered, because he didn't want to lie to the kids. It was hard, when the truth hurt, but they deserved honesty.  
"Are you hungry?" Svlad asked, shifting from side to side. "Because... I was thinking about it, and I've thought of a really scary idea that I can use if you need some food."

Martin hesitated. He was hungry, but he couldn't ask a child to be scared for him.  
"Nah, I'm fine. Just a bit tired, and we can find some bastard and eat them."  
"If you feed on someone else it might draw attention," Svlad explained. "I'm not noticeable, not like that. No one in the world other than you even know that I'm alive."

"It hurts you."  
"Yes," Svlad sighed. "But you need to eat, and it's not a lasting hurt. And... I want... I want to help you."  
"You're teaching Vogel to read. That's enough," Martin lied, and Svlad nodded.  
"If I had a nightmare-"  
"We'd take it away," Martin promised, his mouth watering at the thought of food. He refused to be that person. "You did well having your wings out earlier."  
"Gripps helped me fix a couple of tops," Svlad answered, before shrugging. "Can't wear my jumpsuit all of the time."  
"You still want to hang on to it for now?" Martin asked, glancing towards the fire.

Svlad nodded.  
"I don't know if I'll wear it. But I want it. You... come and sit by the fire?" Svlad asked, watching as Cross and Gripps danced, Mona enthusiastically flapping as wings perched on Vogel's back. Martin nodded, stumbling slightly as he got to his feet. At least the rest still seemed to have enough energy. He could probably take some from Gripps or Cross in an emergency.

Svlad wasn't one for dancing by the fire. Instead, he sat with a piece of paper, scribbling away on it, and Martin felt curious, but tried not to look. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to help his hunger or cause them to be in danger immediately, so he could worry about it later and just relax for now. He was aware of the glances Cross was sending him, and hoped he didn't look as ill as the other two had been previously in their time at Blackwing. He had been fed then, but the last few weeks he had gone hungry. The hope had been he would turn on Cross and Gripps and attack them, but he refused to let it happen.

He closed his eyes, relaxing against the warmth of the fire. He could put his worries aside from now. They'd found somewhere safe to rest for the night, and that was enough.

They could worry about the rest in the morning. He hoped Cross could take first watch that night, because he didn't think he had the energy. He was drifting off to sleep when Vogel jumped on him, startling him awake. He nearly fell over and yelped, then looked up at Vogel who was grinning.  
"HI!"  
"Hi Vogel," Martin murmured, making himself sit up straight and handle whatever was coming, because the kid needed him to be alert and helpful. He couldn't nap just because he was feeling tired, not when the kids needed him. "You okay there buddy?"

"Yeah! Cross got stuck up in the tree though."

Martin looked up and saw that Gripps was gently talking Cross down from the tree, using a ladder. Which at least meant Vogel had taken the wings off. Martin tried not to consider what would happen if Mona lost concentration.

He glanced around. The fire was still going strong, and Svlad was still staring at his piece of paper.  
"You go and give Cross a big hug when he gets down, okay? I got to talk to Svlad."  
"Okay!" Vogel ran over to Gripps, clambering up the larger man so that he could wave at Cross. Cross nervously waved back.

Martin got to his feet. The brief nap he had managed had left him a little less exhausted, but he still felt as though he could collapse at any moment. He made his way over to Svlad, who tried to hide the paper he'd been using. Martin had seen a lot of crossing out.  
"What you got there kid?"  
"Nothing?" Svlad guessed, a nervous smile on his face. Martin shrugged.  
"Sure doesn't look like nothing, but you don't have to show me. You won't be in trouble though."  
"Thank you," Svlad whispered, then hesitated, and pulled the piece of paper up. "I started trying to write down some scary ideas, but then I paused and did this because I want to write a letter to the Colonel. Explaining that I'm okay, and you are taking care of me, because he always said I wouldn't be safe in the outside world, and I don't want him to worry. But I don't know what to say. He always said Incubus were bad, so I don't want him worried by knowing you're with me, or to think I'm alone, and..." He glanced over as Cross's feet hit the ground and the ladder became a little girl who clung to him. "Mona is brilliant, but I don't think me and her on our own would be very good at life."

"That's because you're kids," Martin answered, trying to keep anger out of his voice. "Kids aren't meant to be good at life on their own, that's why adults shoulda took care of you."  
"Sorry," Svlad murmured, curling up slightly where he sat, his shoulders drawn up. Martin felt the boy's flinch like a punch to the gut.

"Hey, kid, I'm not mad at you," Martin promised. That wasn't entirely a lie. It was upsetting, that the boy had bought every lie he'd been told, but at the same time it wasn't Svlad's fault, because he was a fucking child. He shouldn't have had to deal with this bullshit. "You know we aren't gonna hurt you right?"  
"Yeah," Svlad mumbled. "I… wasn't sure, at first. If I was just here so you..." he shrugged. "You get hungry, and-"  
"No," Martin answered. "We took you because we weren't leaving you there. Because you shouldn't have been in there in the first place."

"It's where I'm safer," Svlad answered carefully. "Where I'm not a risk to the people around me, and they aren't a risk to me."  
"Ozzie is a risk," Martin spat, trying to stay calm. It wasn't easy, when Svlad was spouting off bullshit, but he tried to remember that this wasn't the kid's fault. He was a kid. He believed what he was told. "You ain't a danger, kid. You're just different, people don't get different, but it doesn't make you bad. You and Mona, you're family now."

The boy looked up at him, and then carefully put his half-finished letter to one side, throwing his arms around Martin's shoulders and pressing his head against Martin's chest. Martin reached out awkwardly, trying to cuddle him back, shushing him and pretending he didn't notice when he could feel his shirt getting damp.  
"You're doing good kid. It's okay. And we aren't gonna hurt you."

Svlad nodded against him, still clinging, and Martin held him close, able to feel the fear and hope that were warring inside of him.   
"I still should let the Colonel know that I'm safe," Svlad mumbled and Martin shook his head.  
"Best you don't, we don't want him tracking us down. He'd take us back in."

Svlad nodded slowly.  
"I don't really remember much about before Blackwing," he told him, and Martin sighed, cradling him. "I just know the Colonel always did what he could to help me, and I don't want to be ungrateful."  
"You ain't being ungrateful," Martin replied. "And I don't think he helped you all that much. But you don't need to worry, because you've got us now. If he gets a letter from you, he'll try and find us, and... I don't want Vogel back in a cage. You understand?"  
"Yes," Svlad agreed, sighing and staring at the paper. "I just... He did a lot for me."  
"He was using you kiddo."  
Svlad didn't answer, just gazing down at the ground, and Martin felt like he had too much of a headache to deal with this but he knew he had to do something.

"Just think about getting some rest okay? We need to move on again soon, and you probably need a nap. Vogel was being bouncy last night."  
"Vogel's always bouncy," Svlad murmured.  
"I AM!" Vogel agreed, running over and grabbing the piece of paper, turning it over. "There's an O! Like in Vogel! And there's one, and there's one! What are you writing?"  
"I was just trying to write a bedtime story for you," Svlad lied without hesitation. 

"Does it include dinosaurs? All the best stories include dinosaurs."  
"It includes dinosaurs," Svlad promised, and Vogel skipped off. Martin hugged Svlad briefly.  
"Thanks kid."  
"I don't want to scare him," Svlad answered. "It's not good, feeling scared."

Martin tried not to think about the times he had scared the boy beside him.   
"I need a nap," he declared, and Svlad nodded.  
"I better write him a story now or he'll ask questions."


	4. Chapter 4

Martin woke up earlier than the rest the following morning, still feeling rather tired. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, or eat. Neither of those options were available, so he got to his feet, trying to pick a direction they could travel in. 

Svlad had abandoned the half-written letter the previous night, and the crumpled paper had ended up near to Martin's feet. Despite his better judgement, he picked it up, deciphering what he could of the information. After a few moments, he'd thrown it onto what remained of the fire, his headache getting worse. He couldn't deal with that, not when he had to keep them moving.

He didn't even know for certain that they were being hunted. He just couldn't imagine Blackwing would give up on them. More than that, he was sure he'd feel if Ozzie was dead. They'd never been as close as some twins were, but he was sure he'd know. Nothing felt different, and that meant that they were still at risk. He didn't like the thought of being found. If he let his thoughts linger on it too long, his mind would start picturing all kinds of terrible ways that Ozzie might act if he caught them. 

Ozzie had been insisting for months that no project needed four members. It wasn't like they amplified each others' abilities or anything. They were just doing what they could to keep each other safe. Ozzie would love to show him that he couldn't even protect his makeshift family, that he was powerless. Martin shuddered, trying not to feel sick. Ozzie wasn't here. They were safe here, they had each other and there was nothing to fear. No monsters but themselves.

He was going to have to eat soon, he knew that. He didn't like it, but he was going to have to. Vogel was going to need food too, because he was younger, he burned through what they ate. 

He groaned, wanting to fall back asleep, catching sight of Gripps, who was awake and poking at the ashes of the fire. Gripps seemed to see him looking, walking over and wrapping his arms around him.  
"You slept for nineteen thousand, two hundred and eighteen seconds. And you were restless for three fifths of it. That isn't enough."

Martin had become surprisingly good at dividing by three and a half thousand to try and convert Gripps-time into comprehensible time. Five and a bit hours of sleep. He headbutted Gripps' shoulder.  
"The others?"  
"Are currently unconscious. Mona is being a woollen blanket with a MacMillan tartan pattern."

"Asleep unconscious?" Martin murmured. He was pretty sure that was the case, but if not he would probably need to deal with it. Gripps nodded his confirmation, and Martin breathed a sigh of relief.

"You need to eat," Gripps told him. "Based on your current actions I would suggest you have a maximum of 78 hours before the hallucinations start and around one hundred and nineteen hours before you take whatever food you can."

"I can't do that," Martin tried to insist. "There isn't food available for me. I need to be doing better than that, do you understand me?"  
"All living things need food," Gripps explained. "Microanimals such as tardigrades which can survive extremes of pressure radiation and dehydration can go without food for more than three hundred and sixty months but they still need some food and feed on algae and plant cells."

Martin closed his eyes. He could smell Mona and Svlad from his place by the fire, but he couldn't bring himself to betray their trust. If they had a nightmare, if they needed him to take their fear away, he could do that. But he couldn't cause it in the first place. He had to be better than that. 

Gripps hugged him, and quiet fell between the two of them. If he could get them all back on the road it might distract him, but with the risk of hallucinations and worsening headaches, he knew he couldn't be the one to drive.

"Mona said she can be some nail polish," Gripps informed him. "I could paint your nails."

Martin considered for a moment. He couldn't help suspecting that his nails being painted would horrify his father more than the fact he was on the run from the government with his two lovers and their three adoptive children. For the first time in a while, he smiled and meant it.  
"Okay. You think she can change colour between each one?"

"I'll pick the colours," Gripps told him firmly. Martin did laugh then, the sound bursting out of him. He leaned in and kissed Gripps gently, pulling away when he saw slight movement from Vogel.

"You okay packing up camp?" Martin asked, stretching. "I want to see what food we've got left for the kids."  
Gripps nodded, going to do that, and Martin went to do a circuit of the camp, checking for any sign that they had been discovered in the night. He couldn't smell Blackwing, couldn't smell Oz. But he still worried, because he knew he wouldn't be able to fight them off in his current state.

He considered, and then came to a decision. Assuming he could keep his headache under control, or get Cross to lead it, they could stop and take some time to practice self defence. He hoped it would never be needed, but feared that it might be.

Today, the kids were going to learn how to fight.

***

Martin stared at Mona, who was standing in front of him with her arms crossed angrily.  
"It's okay Mona, I won't be angry with you at all, I promise. I just want to see that you can do it."  
"I don't want to hit you," she told him firmly. "Hitting is bad."

"Mona, please," Martin begged. He didn't want to threaten her with Blackwing, didn't want to frighten her, but she was refusing. Vogel, Cross and Gripps seemed to be having fun, half-wrestling, half-tickle-fighting over to one side, and Svlad was watching closely, but Martin had tried to teach Mona and she was apparently not in the mood to learn.  
"I don't want to," she told him.  
"Mona, just-" Martin began, then sighed to find himself faced with a chair. He considered raising his voice, but he wasn't sure that she could even hear him. So instead, he flopped down on her, patting his hand against her arm.

"I know you don't want anyone hurt, Mona, and that's because you're great. But some people aren't great, and I really want you to know a little. Please," he tried, but she stayed a chair. Martin was still feeling exhausted, and part of him was grateful for the chance to rest, even if the entire situation was ludicrous.

"She can't change back while you're sat on her," Svlad said softly, approaching them. "And she doesn't want to hurt anyone. You're... you're teaching her wrong."  
Martin bit back the urge to snap at Svlad. He was hungry and tired and didn't have time for this, but none of that was Svlad's fault. Instead, he made himself nod.   
"How should I be teaching her?"

"You're teaching her like she's you," Svlad tried to explain, his voice quiet. "Like she... like she's one of you, but she isn't. She's Mona." He held out his hand, helping Martin to his feet. "Mona, sweetheart, could you become a big lump of tungsten please?" He smiled at Martin. "Tungsten is the heaviest metal that she has learned to mimic. If she's a big lump of that, it'll slow them down."

Mona turned into a large silver lump, about the size of a boulder. Martin rested a hand on it, and felt that it wasn't going anywhere. He paused, and looked at Svlad.  
"You think you can come up with a few ideas for her?"  
"I can try?" Svlad offered with a smile. "It might be fun."  
"Thanks." He patted the shining metal boulder. "Mona, you think you can be you again?"

The girl stood in front of him, swaying slightly from side to side with a faint smile on her face.   
"We'll carry on after we've given it some thought, okay?" he offered. "Because you can do a lot, I just need to work out how it works."  
"You won't have to cut me open will you? I don't like being cut open."

"No," he told her firmly, pressing down the sick anger that reared its head inside of him. He couldn't allow his thoughts to linger on that. "No one will hurt you here Mona. You're safe now."  
"Thank you!" She cuddled him for a moment, and he could smell how full of energy she was. He pushed those thoughts away. Just because he was hungry, it didn't mean he could eat, he couldn't hurt them. 

"What about you Svlad?" he asked the boy. "You got any talents that will help you fight?"  
"Only I'm good at dodging things that will kill me. Won't get hit by a gun even if it's fired straight at me. The mechanism will break or something..." Svlad admitted, and Martin tried not to think that through too hard. He nodded.  
"Okay, we can work with that." At least it meant he was safe. "You want to try and learn fighting for non-lethal attacks?"  
"I'm small and not very strong," Svlad answered. "They'll overpower me."

"You can learn to use that," Martin argued, but Svlad looked nervous.  
"I don't want to fight Blackwing, they'll be angry at me."  
"Well, what if someone else tried to take you? It's worth being able to fight for that kind of self defence, isn't it?"  
"I guess?" Svlad agreed with a dramatic sigh. Martin stood beside him, trying to teach him how to make a fist and throw a punch in a way that wouldn't break bones. If Svlad had been willing to try, he might have made a good fighter - he was small, and scrappy. But he didn't want to, and Martin could feel his energy wearing thin.

Deep down, he knew he was being unfair when he raised his voice, but he was exhausted and struggling with the whole situation.  
"Svlad, you need to at least try!"  
"I do try!" Svlad yelled back, his arms around himself, and Martin could feel his heart racing. "I try and I try but it doesn't work like that and I can't... I can't..." Svlad's breath was coming in short gasps now, and Martin could feel him spiralling. He reached out, grabbing Svlad's wrists and inhaling, pulling out all the fear and terror which was gripping him. 

Svlad was so scared, and there was food, real food, that Martin hadn't had in weeks. The blue light poured from him, and Martin felt his hunger ebbing, and then Svlad fell forwards against him. 

"Svlad?" Martin whispered, staring at him in fear. "Svlad, are you… are you awake?"  
Svlad whimpered softly in his sleep, and Martin wrapped his arms around him, looking down at him sadly.  
"I think that's enough training for today..." He settled down in the bed of the van as Cross drove, Vogel and Mona sitting beside him. Mona was stroking Svlad's hair and humming to him softly, and even Vogel seemed subdued, muttering to him about dinosaurs and looking unhappy when there was no response.

Martin just held him close, staying quiet. Reluctantly, he pulled Svlad's old jumpsuit closer so that Svlad's hands rested against the fabric.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks to howdareyoucallmenymphadora and Scooby_snack for ideas)

Svlad slept through the rest of the day, and the following night, ending up curled in a ball with his jumpsuit held against him. Mona ate some dinner, but she seemed quiet, and Vogel tried to reassure her, his hand resting against hers. The three children slept in a pile in the van, and Martin made sure everything was packed, before driving onward. It was easier to keep travelling.

"Where are we going?" Cross asked, and Martin tried to smile.  
"Away from there."  
"Away isn't a place!" Gripps pointed out. "It's not even a direction!"  
"I know." Martin sighed, glancing in the mirror to check the kids were still asleep. He didn't want to say anything to worry them. "Just... I don't know if they are coming for us. Only we're going to find out if they're hunting us is if someone turns up, which... isn't exactly a good thing."  
"We will find somewhere," Cross promised, squeezing his arm. "Or we can just… drive around. Have fun. You don't need to be scared. If they come we’ll fight them."  
"We fought them before," Gripps pointed out, and Martin nodded. He wasn't starving anymore, but the lack of hunger was letting him think things through. Realising how bleak their situation was made him feel a little sick, but he had to keep going. For all of their sakes.

Gripps reached out, stroking his shoulder.  
"You're doing well. But we're here as well, all five of us. You can give us sixteen and two thirds percent of the responsibility each if you'd like."  
"Thank you," Martin said softly, then relaxed a little as he saw that Svlad was beginning to wake up. 

Svlad stretched, sitting up and looking around curiously, then seeing Martin and the others and then smiling to himself. He waved, cuddling his jumpsuit to his chest and then hugging Vogel. Vogel wiggled awake, and then the two of them curled up, reading a book together. Svlad was a good influence on Vogel. He was still bouncy, still easily entertained and wanting to play, but he'd listen to Svlad's stories. Martin couldn't be sure if that difference was because of Svlad's influence, or just his sudden new found freedom.

Cross reached forwards, prodding him in the arm.  
"So, what are we doing?"  
"I think I've got an idea," Martin answered.

***

They found a small junkyard off the main roads, and Martin parked there.  
"Kids, out!"  
Everyone piled out from the van, the children looking around curiously.   
"Why we stopped here?" Vogel asked, going to poke at some of the trash curiously.   
"Because it's a chance for a proper break." 

Svlad pulled on his yellow jacket, looking around curiously, as Cross suddenly laughed, grabbing a pipe off the ground and swinging it over his head.  
Gripps cheered, picking up a brick and throwing it at the windscreen of half a car. Glass went flying over, and Gripps chased after the glass.

Vogel grinned, picking up a branch.  
"Smashy!" he yelled and whooped. Svlad was covering his ears, until his sister turned into some earmuffs which he pulled on.  
Martin grinned at Svlad, handing him a small pipe.  
"Try hitting it against something," Martin instructed. When Svlad didn’t seem to register what was being said, he mimed the action.  
"Okay!" Svlad nodded, looking a little cautious as he brought the pipe down on what looked like it might once have been a garbage can. It made a loud noise, and a slight dent appeared. He tried again, but it didn't make much difference. Martin moved to stand beside him, gripping the pipe and showing him how to slam it into the metal with force.

Svlad laughed slightly, looking around in fear and then grinning and repeating the action. He slammed his pipe against the can a few more times, and as he continued Martin could see his face beginning to crease up, tears forming in his eyes. Martin wanted to reassure him, but he knew the kid needed some time to think things through.

He grabbed a pipe of his own, slamming it down, then going to help Vogel with the car he was smashing. Vogel was bouncing from side to side with excitement, enjoying the chance to revel in meaningless destruction. Martin ruffled his hair fondly.

It didn't take too long for the entire place to be shredded, bits of metal and shards of glass scattered across the ground amid the tangled carcasses of cars. Gripps had got a blazing fire going, and Vogel danced around it. Cross and Gripps were sharing a drink, and Martin reached over, taking it from their hands for a swig. Svlad made his way over, sitting on a seat Gripps had pulled from a car. He watched the fire, lost in his thoughts.  
"Svlad?" Martin called, and when he looked up Martin moved to crouch in front of him. "I'm sorry about feeding on you. I took too much."

"You helped," Svlad whispered, getting to his feet and then leaning in to embrace Martin, shivering a little against him. "You helped a lot."  
"I like helping you, kid," Martin answered.   
"I've... I've been thinking," Svlad whispered, and Martin noticed there was a teddy in his arms, one he suspected had been Mona a few minutes earlier.  
"What?" Martin asked, and Svlad grimaced slightly, then looked up at him.  
"I... just Lamia's Mona now, and you four aren't Icarus... Vogel told me he used to be called Jacob. I think... I think maybe one day, I might want a different name, if that'd be okay?"  
"I think that'd be good kid," Martin promised, feeling proud of him. It was real progress, and a sign that maybe one day he could put the past behind him and work out who he was without Blackwing's shadow.

"Do you still want me to burn the suit?"  
"Do you want to?"  
Svlad shook his head, murmuring an apology that was barely audible. Martin held him tightly, pressing his face against the kid's hair.  
"Then you don't gotta boy. You don't have to do anything you don't want, you hear me?"  
"Thank you..." Svlad whispered, cuddling the teddy bear against his chest. "Today was fun."  
"You needed to relax."

"Would..." Svlad started, then frowned, his nose wrinkling a little as he thought. "I wanted to ask about buying a teddy bear, but Mona's a good teddy bear, but..."  
"We could always use your jumpsuit and make a teddy bear," Martin said, realising Cross and Gripps were listening as well. "It means you couldn't use it as a jumpsuit any more, but you could hold onto it. We could make you a pillow as well."

Svlad hesitated, his fingers twitching as he clung to his bear.  
"You think about it, okay? We won't mind, whatever you decide. Just choose what's right for you, you get me?"  
"Yeah." Svlad nodded. "Thanks."  
"You want to make some smores?" Martin asked, and Svlad nodded, giggling when his sister returned to her human form.  
"Smores!" she shouted, and Vogel ran over, giggling and shouting about smores as well. 

Cross grabbed the ingredients, while Gripps found suitable pieces of metal to use as skewers.  
Gripps dug through the bags in the van, returning with a bag of marshmallows and some cookies with chocolate chips in them. Cross talked the kids through how to poke the skewers through the marshmallows and soon they were roasting them, giggling when Vogel's dropped into the ashes.  
"Don't go for it boy," Martin told him, giving him a replacement. The air filled with the smell of toasted marshmallow, and the children giggled. Martin was surprised when Mona prodded him in the arm holding out a cookie topped with a pile of marshmallow.   
"What you got there girl?"

"Smore," ,he answered. "It's for you."  
"Oh." He sighed. "Don't you want it?"  
"Yes," she said quickly. "I do want it, but I can make more of them. This one is for you."  
"Thanks girly," Martin answered, taking the gift and eating it. "This is real good, but you gotta make yourself one too."  
"Okay!" She skipped back to the fire to do just that. Martin offered Gripps a bite of the cookie, which he ate with a grin, calling out to the children how many they could have, and what fraction they would need to cut the marshmallow in to ensure everyone all got an even share of it. 

They ended up falling asleep around the fire. Vogel was a short distance back, held in Cross's arms so that he didn't manage to roll into the flames. Mona was a teddy bear curled up in Svlad's arms, and Gripps wrapped around Martin, holding him close. After so long being afraid, it was good to be held, to feel safe, to know that he was surrounded by his family.

He kept thinking over his earlier conversation with Svlad - the boy seemed to finally be approaching a willingness to put the rest of Blackwing's expectations behind him, and to focus on who he wanted to be now. If that happened, it would be good, a chance for them all to cut those ties. 

It was hard to sleep, listening out for any sound of distress, but he heard no footsteps approaching or leaving the camp. A bird flew low overhead, and then there was a faint whimper from Svlad. Svlad calmed down before he could approach though, so he decided that everything was alright and allowed himself to continue sleeping.

His dreams were filled with memories of his brother, but they were happy memories. Memories he normally forgot, of laughter and innocence before everything went wrong. Before those memories could distress him though, he had moments with the rest of Incubus, even Svlad laughing. It was peaceful until Svlad screamed.

He was on his feet on a moment, racing towards him.  
"Svlad?"  
"Mona's gone," Svlad explained, holding out a note. On it there was a child's writing.  
 _Sorry. It's all very scary right now so I need to hide. Take care and I'll see you soon. Mona!_  
"What do you mean?"  
"It was here when I woke up," Svlad explained. "I don't know where, I'm sorry, I just... I shouldn't have slept, I abandoned her."  
"Svlad none of this was your fault," Martin promised, even if he felt a little sick. He rested his hand on Svlad's shoulder, squeezing gently. "You aren't to blame for this, you understand?"  
"She's gone."  
"She's going to come back. We can look for her."

Svlad looked at him in utter despair, tears shining helplessly in his eyes.  
"Martin, she's a shapeshifter. She could be anywhere."  
"We gotta look," Cross said.  
"She didn’t have time to go far-"  
"What if she was a plane?" Svlad asked, and he sounded frantic now, almost hysterical. Martin squeezed his shoulders.   
"We will find her Svlad. She's one of us. We don't leave our family behind. Wherever she is, we're going to find her."  
"Thank you," Svlad whispered, clutching the note she had left behind to his chest. 

"What's eating you Svlad?" Vogel asked, jumping over and patting him.  
"Mona's gone."  
"Mona's gone?" Vogel asked, and then whimpered. Martin picked him up before he started crying.  
"She's gone and you can help us find him," Martin agreed. "Gripps, check the van, see if there's anything changed in there. The rest of us can look out here."

Gripps nodded, heading over to the van. Cross took Vogel's hand in his, going to search through the camp. The amount of junk they'd left the previous night was a problem, almost every surface covered in scrap metal and broken glass, any one of which could have been the shapeshifter.

Svlad had his arms around himself, and was trying to cry silently. Martin wrapped an arm over his shoulder, squeezing him carefully.  
"We'll find her. Any idea why she panicked?"  
"She said she was scared... it's... it's a lot. She'd been in there for a long time, and she'd been a chair before... she maybe... maybe she couldn't face being a person any more." Svlad sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to do this."  
"It ain't your fault," Martin promised, because that was really all he could do.

"You got any idea where she could be, kid?" he asked, trying to look around. He didn't want to stay in one area for too long, but if the shapeshifter had run off, they'd have to stay here.

The thought of her returning and finding they'd already moved on made him feel sick. He couldn't do that to her, to any of the kids. This group of people was all they had, and he couldn't leave her out here on her own. Not when Blackwing might find her, or she might be afraid.

"I dunno..." Svlad mumbled. "She likes being things, more than... more than being a person, or an animal even. Being a thing means she doesn't have to think, that she's allowed to be herself and not have to..." he hesitated, shrugging. "I never could completely understand it. People who aren't like her can't. But... she doesn't know what to be."  
"Okay, so she's not an animal then," Martin tried to encourage him, even as he wished she would at least stick to human forms which would be easier to track. "What about a plant?"  
"She could..." The boy shrugged slightly. "She likes slow growing plants, like trees..."

Martin bit back a curse. They were in a forest, and there was a good chance that the littlest of their group was currently a tree. He couldn't even punch a tree in frustration now, in case he injured her. He took a deep breath. He wanted to scream or cry, but he knew he had to seem in control, because Svlad needed someone to know what was going on.  
"Okay, that's really helpful, you're doing great," he promised. "Maybe call out to her." 

"Mona?" Svlad called out. "Mona I miss you-"  
There was no answer, and Martin wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder.  
"We've got a long time before sunset kiddo, we'll find her," he promised. "Is there anything... any problems, anything that looks strange when she transforms?"  
"No. She's the best actress!" Svlad answered, sounding almost defensive, protective of her. Martin nodded.

"Let me see the note, kid?"   
Svlad offered him the paper, and he read it over, hoping there had been some hint of where she had gone.  
"Can I have it back please?" Svlad asked, his hands shaking a little. Martin handed it to him, and he held it to him, mumbling quietly. Martin crouched down to listen.  
"It's okay Mona. I'll find you, I promise," Svlad was whispering.

"Why you whispering kiddo?"  
"Because... because I don't want... I don't know." Svlad shrugged a little.   
"If you want her to hear talk louder."  
"I got a feeling," the boy whispered, curling in on himself, and Martin nodded.   
"If you gotta follow your feelings, you do that." He wanted to encourage him. It was clear Blackwing had gone about investigating the kid's hunches the wrong way, but he still had some abilities and if they were going to find a shapeshifter that might be a tree in a forest, then the kid seemed to be their best lead.

"Thanks," Svlad murmured, striding out again.

It didn't take long for Martin to realise they were walking in a circle, approaching the camp again. But Svlad looked focused, and he had no other leads to follow, no other ideas apart from letting Svlad go and trying to do what he felt was right.

As they approached the camp Svlad faltered a little, but Martin squeezed his shoulder to encourage him.  
"Any luck?" he asked.

"No!" Vogel yelled from a surprisingly high angle. He looked up and found the boy had climbed up a pile of wreckage and was now perched about eight feet off the ground, looking over the pile of junk.  
"Nothing yet!" Cross agreed from where he was on his hands and knees in the dust.

"Gripps?"  
"Maybe think I have found something!" Gripps walked over as he spoke, a sheaf of paper clutched in his hand.  
"There are one hundred and seventy six sheets of paper left. We began with two hundred. Ten were used by Cross to create paper planes, the other fourteen for Vogel's lessons."  
"Yeah and?"  
"Also the lines on this paper are 0.4 of an inch across and the paper Svlad showed us was unlined."  
"So?" Martin frowned. "What do you mean?"

Svlad's eyes opened, and he reached out for the paper, flicking through it and then gasping at whatever he saw. He held out the piece of paper, and then nuzzled it against his forehead.  
"Mona, please, just for a little while-"

The little girl appeared, yawning, and fell forwards against Svlad for cuddles.  
"Don't want to do more tests today," she whispered, and he shushed her, rubbing her back and holding her against his chest.   
"No more tests today..." he promised, looking up at Martin. "If she's in trouble I can take her punishment, she's exhausted-"

"No one is in trouble," Martin answered, even if he felt sick. She'd been there, standing right in front of them and not one of them had known. She could have been destroyed. He had been tempted to destroy the note this morning when he had first seen it, and if he had he could have killed her. He hated himself for even considering that. "None of you kids are getting punished again. Svlad, you know that..." He sighed, signalling Cross over. "We got her, Vogel!"

"YAY!" the boy yelled, jumping to the ground and running over to hug her.  
"Mona," Martin crouched down to be at her eye level. "You really scared us today, do you see that? We thought you might have been gone forever."  
"I left you a note! I was a note!" she repeated, her voice rising slightly in panic, as though afraid she was in trouble.

"I know," Martin murmured. "I know you did, you're okay, you aren't in trouble."  
She nodded slowly.  
"I had a nightmare and I just... I didn't want to be there and I thought about being a chair but that seemed rude."  
"So you turned into a note?"  
"So I could explain without having to wake Svlad up when he was sleepy," she explained, shivering a little. Martin took off his jacket, wrapping it around her. He could almost see, from her perspective, how it had been an attempt at being helpful.   
"Thanks for trying to let us know girly, just... we thought... well, if you'd have been a chair in camp we'd have thought it was you, but we thought you'd run away."

"I don't want to have to leave you all-"  
"We know," Martin shushed her gently. "We know, it's just... we thought we'd lost you, and it scared us because we love you. But you're safe now, and you're not in trouble, okay? Just next time... next time, you can be a note if you want, but say on you that you're the note. Can you do that for me sweetie?"  
She nodded sincerely, and he held her to him, wrapping his arms around Svlad as well.  
"That's good. Now, you can be whatever you want to be, and we'll tidy up and get moving."  
She turned into a jacket, wrapping around Svlad. Martin patted her twice, murmuring some praise before going to help ensure they had what they needed. Svlad had his arms around himself, holding his jacket close in a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no current ideas for further chapters - feel free to suggest things!


End file.
